Page 11 - The Grotesque Children's Book

1.

Things Are Looking Up

Florence, Italy. August 1581.

Aurelio DeSolo was lying on his back, staring directly into the eyes of the great god
Jupiter. Jupiter hovered an arm’s length above Aurelio, a red lightning bolt cocked next to his
left ear, ready to strike Aurelio in the face. One...false...move....Careful, Aurelio; tell the nice
god what he wants to hear, and you’ll get out of this alive.

“Please, almighty Jupiter, spare the life of this humble, aging human! I swear, I didn’t go
anywhere near that swan! She was the one who looked at me!” Aurelio was deaf and mute and
could not speak out loud, but this was not an issue for a god, who could hear Aurelio
nonetheless.

“Swan!? What swan!!?” thundered Jupiter. Then, softer: “Do you mean...Leda?”

“Yes, yes, Leda!” said Aurelio. “I admit she has the most gracious, beautiful
contrapposto neck, downy and soft, and her strong powerful beak and webbed feet...such fine
exquisite taste you have, almighty Jupiter. But I swear to you I stayed in the boat the whole
time. I never touched her!”

Jupiter frowned. “You do recall the myth is ‘Leda and the Swan’.”

“That’s right. I never touched Leda. She’s as pure as the day she, well as pure as the
after you, I mean, I -- not more impure because of me.”

“Think about what you’re saying,” said Jupiter, slowly.

Is that menace I hear? thought Aurelio. Yes, that’s deliberate menace in his voice. These
gods, they enjoy taunting us before they kill us. I wonder if I’ll feel anything, being blasted by a
thunderbolt, or whether it’s “one moment you’re Aurelio DeSolo, painting ceilings for the Duke
de’ Medici, posing wits with the Greatest of All Gods,” then next moment, fzzztrp!, oblivion by
lightning....

Jupiter prompted, “Leda and the swan.”

“Yes? So you’re going to kill me just because you’re suspicious? No proof! Is that how
you want to be remembered for all eternity, oh great Jupite --”

“Stop. Listen to me,” said Jupiter. “There’s Leda, right, she’s standing there on the
shore. And then, separate...there’s a swan. There’s Leda. And there’s a swan.”

Aurelio blinked a few times. What am I missing here? Why doesn’t he just kill me and
get it over with? I never raped his damn swan. His...swan....” Oh. I see what you’re saying.
Leda isn’t the one who’s the swan. Leda’s the girl.”

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