Page 191 - The Grotesque Children's Book

Chapter 16.

The goiter or the pustule

“That's just not good enough, Bianca,” said Mamma Buonaventuri.

That, in this case, was the kitchen floor, which 15-year-old Bianca Buonaventuri had
been sweeping for the better part of the last hour, apparently not to Mamma's satisfaction.
“That's all right, Mamma, I'll sweep it again, and sweep it another time after that if you want me
to. I don't mind. I like sweeping.” Bizarre as it seems for a young active girl living in Venice in
1563, Bianca actually did enjoy sweeping. And scrubbing! And dusting, and washing, and
tidying, and mending, and pumping water. It's all actually fun. Fun? Yes. She wasn't merely
fawning to curry favor with Mamma. It was all still rather novel to her, all this menial labor, and
she found it to be vitalizing. I can do it myself! she thought, instead of having servants do it for
me! Will wonders never cease! She picked up the broom and began sweeping all over again.

“There's flecks!” said Mamma Buonaventuri. “See them?”

“Flecks?”

“Yes, over there in the corner, by the fireplace. Flecks! At least two or three of them.”

“I'll start in that corner, then.”

“Make sure you do! And when the floor is finished -- to my satisfaction, Bianca, not
yours -- the potatoes are waiting. They won't wash themselves!”

“Oh ho, no they won't. They won't ever wash themselves, those lazy potatoes!” chortled
Bianca. She's trying to rattle me, thought Bianca, heading over to the offending corner. She's
thinking I hate these chores. She's thinking the more chores she piles on me, the more miserable
I'll be. But the exact opposite is true. I love to clean. I love to work!

To confirm your suspicions, yes, this is the same Bianca who became The Grand Duchess
of Tuscany Bianca Cappello, married to the Grand Duke Francesco de’ Medici, the one whose
portrait Alessandro Allori is painting, about whom you probably have prejudicial disdain. But
when she was fifteen, Bianca was a delightful, charming sunbeam of a thing who literally
skipped to the well to pump water.

Fourteen-year-old Bianca, however, never skipped. Fourteen-year-old Bianca was
morose, sorrowful and trapped. Just nine months prior to becoming Signora Buonaventuri's
domestic whipping post, Bianca Cappello had had servants by the dozens, whose sole purpose in
this world was to sweep as many flecks off of the floors of Bianca's life as possible, as well as
more stressful worries such as dressing, combing her hair, and answering all those bothersome
social invitations throughout the year. Fourteen-year-old Bianca had been betrothed to a rotund
man three times her age with a goiter three times the size of her head. His name was Venno,
Vincenzio Venno. He was a gonfaloniere, which meant he was powerful, rich and set for life.
So could Bianca have been, had she married him and become Bianca Venno, moglie di

191