Page 228 - The Grotesque Children's Book
P. 228
Chapter 27.
A daughter does me no good
A strange regimen of burdock root and burning snakes’ skins and months of mighty
nocturnal visits and lo and behold, Joanna of Austria was pregnant! A huge sigh of relief went
through the entire Medici hierarchy, and the alchemist was brought into the palace on a fulltime
schedule to manage Joanna's health.
The alchemist you have met: Chimento Zaccario, he of the peaked hats and theatrical
wizard robes. “You are a miracle worker, Zaccario!” had proclaimed Francesco on the news.
“Not a miracle. All the waters of deluge pass over us, not so that we drown, but in order
to correct the effects of a laborious digestion and eliminate the toxins resulting from
fermentation.”
“I didn't understand a word of that.”
“Ah. Apologies. What I meant was that although such things are thrown to the winds by
common people, intelligent people ought to know and pay more attention to the fact that exactly
at this point the infinitude of secrets may be partly contemplated with great profit and in part also
explored.”
“Ehh....”
“Hydrargyre becomes a vapor and the vapor becomes hydrargyre, by way of
coagulation.”
“What I need to know is that Joanna will have this child and that it will be a son. Can
you make sure of that? A daughter does me no good.”
Zaccario knew an opportunity when he saw one. “There are some ancient rites, yes,
which can transform a girl into a boy.”
“Oh, let's do those rites, right away!”
“They take weeks. And I wouldn't be able to guarantee the results.”
“You guarantee them or I'll, I'll have you executed!” It was Francesco's first time he had
threatened anyone with execution. For a Medici, this is part of growing up. Everyone
remembers his first execution threat. When the Medici men drink together, they often swap
stories of their first time threatening execution. Zaccario was Francesco's first.
“Mmmm, I'm rather indifferent to threats,” said Zaccario.
“You are!?” That takes the fun out of it. Damn, now I'll have to embellish the story for
my cousins.
“You see, there are so many dark magical things I could do to you in retaliation, both
before and after my execution, you really don't want to make an enemy of me.”
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