Page 312 - The Grotesque Children's Book

Chapter 44.

Behind Francesco’s Back

When Bianca first heard the news that poor Joanna of Austria had fallen down the stairs
of the the Grand Ducal Palace, she had three conflicting emotions. First, Bianca was
embarrassed for Joanna, almost comically embarrassed. Fell down the stairs, the ninny!
Although, how strangely fortunate for her. For if she hadn't fallen, there would have been
poison or a blade in the neck in the middle of the night, or some other horrible death. But, oh,
how undignified! And how clumsy, the dear. To be remembered in history as tripping yourself
to death! No, now, Bianca, be kind. Joanna was, after all, pregnant, so goes the rumor, so
perhaps she simply couldn't see the steps, blocked from view as they were by her belly. Still, had
she never heard of a railing? I hope when I go, it won't be in an equally comic way. Imagine
dying, say, by falling into the fish pond, or, or by suffocating yourself with some fancy costume
which gets stuck around your face as the ladies-in-waiting are trying to get it off; or, by leaning
out of the box in the theatre to get a closer look at the pretty men in the chorus. “Oh, oh,
someone help me, I'm falling out of the box, catch me, you spectators below me!” Then
ploompf!, and there's a dozen of us to be grieved over that night. Good heavens, I pray for a
dignified death.

Bianca's second emotion at hearing the news of Joanna's death-tumble was one of relief:
that her husband had not had to act on the unspoken promise he had made, that fateful impulsive
night, to murder Joanna, or at least have her murdered. Bianca had regretted her request
immediately and had taken it back. But the conversation that evening haunted her, and played in
her mind over and over: “Some evenings I wonder whether I wouldn’t be happier if something
awful were to happen to Pietro. Oh, no, I don’t mean that. I'm a terrible person.” Oh
Francesco, dear Cesco, I often think you would have gone through with it had not Fate stepped
in in the form of a staircase and removed all obstacles to our marriage. How awful that would
have been for you, Cesco, to have Joanna's death weighing on your mind for the rest of your life.

Bianca wasn't naive. She knew what had happened to Pietro, or at least that Francesco
had arranged for those assassins to be on the Bridge of the Della Ininita that night. But somehow
Pietro's death was not so tragic as Joanna's. Pietro had entered into the arrangement with
Francesco with his eyes wide open, and knew the potential perils of sharing his wife with a
Grand Prince. And Pietro had had a good life up until the very end: wine, women, money,
prestige. No, Pietro was not a tragic figure. Whereas Joanna, well, she had not chosen to marry
Francesco. She had been forced by her Austrian family, to strengthen the ties between the
Medici family and the Austrian Emperor. Joanna had not really had a fair chance at happiness,
so in many ways, Bianca felt quite deeply and genuinely sorry for Joanna. And yet, Bianca
thought, a rival is a rival, and undoubtedly Joanna hatched many a plot to have me killed. So
the uneven staircase saved not only Joanna's murder, but probably mine as well. A happy
ending after all, when you look at it like that.

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