Page 52 - The Grotesque Children's Book

“But -- you have found all there is to be f--” protested his one hundred
twenty-eighth Minister of the Treasury. The one hundred twenty-eighth
minister was beheaded before he could say “--ound” and a one hundred
twenty-ninth put into his place.

“Find me more gold!” bellowed the Emperor, not content with the
answers he had received from the previous minister. Emperors are like that. I
don't know whether you've ever met an Emperor. You probably wouldn't like
him very much. They're so very --

“Gollld!!”

--noisy.

“I have an idea where you might find more gold, your Majesty,” said One
Hundred Twenty-Nine.

“What!? You do!” said Emperor Aurumius IV, suddenly all jolly and
merry. “Well, well, well! Come, minister, let's have a drink together and you'll
tell me all about it!” Emperors are like that, too. They can be so --

“And your wife?” asked Emperor Aurumius, “How is she?”

--insincere. You mustn't blame them. They learned their bad habits
from their bad parents who learned them from their bad parents. Really,
there's never been anyone to teach them any better. When you come right
down to it, they're just very spoiled grandchildren who've never had to work for
their money. All I ask is that if you are ever elected Emperor, that you treat
people better than Aurumius IV did.

“Where will I find more gold!?” he demanded of his now longest-reigning
minister. “For I've used up all I can find. I've put it into rings and jewelry and
cups and lockets and picture frames and chains and tables and candlesticks
and forks and spoons, oh, oh, and just last year, I had the fanciest toilet made,

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