Page 136 - The Grotesque Children's Book

frescoes painted on the ceilings, in the vaulted bays in front of each of the more than forty offices
on both sides of the hallway.

Because the first painter Francesco had hired, a certain Giovanni Bizzelli, was a
chronically temperamental painter who had petulantly moved away to Rome, leaving the job
wide open, so Allori had accepted without hesitation. Allori cavalierly boasted he could paint
the entire thousand-foot-long hallway, all forty-three bays, in time for the Duke’s desired
opening date of October 1, 1581. He needed the money. Already at that time he had had the
first three daughters, with his wife frighteningly pregnant with another mother load. So the Duke
announced his October 1st date, and told Allori to finish the ceilings by then.

And when Duke Francesco says you’ll do a thing...you do it.

It turned out, as you can guess, that Allori grossly misunderestimated the speed at which
he could work. The defector Giovanni Bizzetti had completed only the first eleven bays when
Allori took over the commission, and though Allori had subsequently worked solidly and
steadily, now with fewer than twenty months left before the opening date, Allori to his horror
discovered he had completed only through the twenty-second bay of forty-three, prompting Duke
Francesco to threaten Allori with the sack. Allori protested loudly, as he wanted all the possible
payment he could extract out of the commission, even if it meant working by torchlight in the
evenings. “I am 45, your Majesty, but I’m not dead. I can complete it all, all by myself, by
October 1st.” But Francesco wouldn’t hear of any workers in the Offices after the sun went
down; security, guards, paranoia, possibility of accidental fires, don’t you know....

The final straw that broke Allori’s back came on the morning of February 23, 1580, when
Duke Francesco announced at The Accademia di Belle Arti di Firenze that he wished to have a
new portrait of the Duchess, Bianca Cappello, ready on the same day the galleries were to
re-open: October 1, 1581. Allori, with his nine infants to feed, could not help but covet the
additional commission. A line of saliva formed at the corner of the painter’s mouth and dribbled
down his chin. I want that, he whispered to himself, then spoke out loud to the Duke.

“But the ceilings!” scowled the Duke. “I would hire you to paint Bianca’s portrait in a
royal minute, Alessandro, you know I would, were it not for the ceilings.”

“Do not worry a night’s sleep over the ceilings,” Allori assured the Duke. “I’ll hire some
apprentices for the ceilings, and I’ll concentrate on the portrait. Nothing to worry about.
Nothing!” said Allori, worrying, and resenting the money he would have to shell out to the
apprentices. There is no way around it; no way round. Unless...unless I tell the apprentices
they’ll be paid only if they complete their work on time. Aha! Brilliant, Alessandro. Yes. I shall
hire three apprentices: young, or unfortunate, or stupid. Jupiter Opportunità!

So it was that Alessandro Allori hired three apprentices to concentrate on Bays 23-37,
while Allori himself concentrated on Bays 38-45 and the royal portrait of Bianca Cappello.
Three apprentices. One was Young. One was Unfortunate. And one was Stupid. The young
Santi del Meglio. The unfortunate Aurelio DeSolo. The stupid Tozzo Scatenarsi. The good and
happy news for these three painters was, they discovered, they were nearly entirely unsupervised

136